Madness, because it's the only sane way out of this world.

"With your feet in the air
and head on the ground
try this trick, and spin it, yeah
your head will collapse
when there's nothing in it
and you ask yourself:
Where is my mind?"

I had a chat with Minh just now. He told me that his friend Cheng Hung, left school, left his family, left Singapore. Packed a few belongings from the hostel... just ran away. And that he's currently at a refugee camp in Thailand.

I know it's really none of my business, I hardly know the guy, but.. I can't help thinking why, what, made him execute such a shocking, radical decision.

Minh said, he was dissatisfied with The System. The system, as in, the education system here in Singapore, the world, the society, whatever that's absorbed by him since he was born. I think that's what he meant. We discussed, and Minh brought up an interesting, ironic point: His actions, and what he is right now is the very result of what he had learnt and picked up from The System --Art, existentialism, all that really deep stuff. His thinking, he was moulded by The System. And he is questioning it. Quite contradicting, don't you think?

So it's a struggle to break free from The System. Like the movie Fight Club, you know, where society strangles out the individualism of a person, and everyone is a drone of society, a "copy of a copy of a copy". It's a terrible, claustrophobic feeling... I don't like the idea of the society that was portrayed either, being just the same like everyone else, being controlled by society, in a way...

He was very inspired by Fight Club. Very, very, very. He even took part in "Fight Club: The Musical", which his dance teacher choreographed last November at the National Art Museum. After the shows, he was kinda, hyped up and excited about the radical idea from the movie. Heard from Minh he started beating himself up like the Narrator in the movie. And once when we were sittin' outside the hostel, he threw a glass bottle from his 2nd storey room and it crashed before us. I still remembered he gave a triumphant "WHOO!" He pasted messages from the movie all over, and I'm very sure he did a lot of other weirder, crazier things around.

I said to Minh, "But Fight Club... it's just a movie."
"Exactly," he replied. I think the movie, the storyline is just to present the concept behind. In other words, it is just a dramatised portrayal of what the author thinks of the world. "You can absorb what the message behind the movie and reflect on the concept on your life, but not all are meant to be taken literally."
And I said to Minh, "So, you're saying that Cheng Hung's like a small kid who watches Superman, He tries to imitate Superman, and he jumps off the building, believing that he can fly like Superman?"
"Exactly. In that sense, he's sort of immature isn't he?"

But we're all part of The System, aren't we? It's in us, all along. We're born in it, we live in it. I don't think you can run away forever from it. Even the idea of running away, he was inspired by other rebellious artists. There was one artist who went on self-exile to the monastry to become a monk. That's the same thing what Cheng Hung is doing, I think... Artists are strange, unconventional people that don't like how things are run, how norms are established. Artists have perspectives on life that differ from the normal crowd. No wonder that they manage to come up with clever pieces. Cheng Hung is an art student. And a very hardcore one at that.

Running away. I can't help wondering how he'd survive Out There. He'd have to worry about his next meal, a place to sleep.. what about money? Would he have to steal? Would he have to grow his own food? Lying on the streets? Hostile people? Getting shot while he was crossing borders? Killed? It's basic necessities -- food, shelter, safety, that are being threatened. He needs to have SKILLS. We're talking Pure Survival 101 now.

Maybe, maybe... when humans are faced with such danger and suffering, when they return to their basic survival instincts.. something in them awakens and they get some Big Revelation from life. Maybe Cheng Hung will find what he's always wanted to find, something that satisfies his soul. Or maybe never at all. I hope the latter possibility will never happen. Probably Cheng Hung doesn't wanna live a normal life like everybody else, waking up one day and question himself, "What am I doing here?" Hearing about him from Minh, he's someone who wants to do something significant.

I'm very sure everybody would seriously sit down, and question about their purpose in life some day... Just a matter of when they do it. Some choose to lead a simple one, get good grades, get to a good university, get a good job, a good spouse, and start a good family, grow old, and hope to die in a good, peaceful way. Others.. well, they want something greater, I guess, something more than just simple living. Honestly I want to live life more than just.. that, too. For Cheng Hung, I guess his running away is the extremist step towards "enlightenment". No one can stay in the same position for long, Minh said. They'll just have to get off one day and liberate themselves. I wonder if I'll ever do that on a pivoting point of my life too?

When Minh told me that Cheng Hung left his whole world here, the first thought that appeared in my naive little peapod brain was this: "How exciting!" I admit, it's sort of life's novelty, something new, and challenging and thrilling and adventurous. Brave new world and all. Minh thinks its an irresponsible thing to do; leaving behind family, and friends, and teachers, giving all those who mattered to you grief and worry and trouble. I thought about it for a while... and well, what he said is true... (For some reason, I hear Piao's voice shrieking on the phone: "Yanny, WHAT THE HELL are you doing there in Bombay?!") I can hardly take care of myself where I am now, in pampered, overprotected conditions. Toss me to the streets here, and I'll rot in less than three days. This is the sad truth about myself. I salute Cheng Hung, he sure had a lot of balls to leave just like that.

I've always wanted drama I guess. Something new. If i had the chance to know Cheng Hung, I'd definitely want to be friends with him. I think I can learn a lot from a person like him, who thinks a lot about deep stuff. I feel that he thinks a lot, far, far more, for someone who's the same age as me. There's that sort of maturity in him that I admire and that I find inspiring. I'm here... bitching about how I hate my job, how I have to cheong my assignments, how my pimples won't go away, what colour I should dye my hair next, how boring and mundane my life is... when there's more important things to think about.. I'm growing really slow. I'm a hypocrite. I feel like an infant. My drawings are stupid and childish and flat. I've told myself before, this is the only time when I can be shallow and childish, before adulthood begins. I am spewing bullshit.

Mister Cheng Hung, I don't know where you are right now, and what you're doing, but I hope that the best comes to you...